7 ways to break the cycle of self-sabotaging your own success
Do you always find excuses, find things wrong or think that something will go wrong?
Are you being extremely hard on yourself whenever you make a mistake, even if you’re learning something new?
Deep down, do you feel that you don’t deserve to be happy, healthy and successful?
If these questions resonate with you, then it looks like you’re self-sabotaging yourself.
Self-sabotage holds people back from their pursuing their passion, going after their dreams, and achieving their long-standing goals.
Self-sabotage stems from childhood trauma and is deeply rooted in how we think and behave that we get stuck in a cycle that becomes a pattern of habits and leads to negative self-fulfilling prophecy, low self-esteem and lack self-worth. It keeps us in victimhood.
Self-sabotage happens when your logical, conscious mind clashes with your subconscious mind. The subconscious mind is the old part of the brain (the limbic brain) and its job is to protect you - it means well, but it holds you back by telling you that ‘it can’t be done’, ‘you’re not good enough’, or ‘who do you think you are to do this?’
This is our inner critic at play and will do anything to sabotage our efforts in defending its honour to keep us safe.
Self-sabotaging behaviours can be masked through boredom, procrastination and distraction - where all of a sudden, cleaning and ironing might be more appealing than applying for the job of your dream. The thinking behind it may be ‘I’m not going to get it anyway’, ‘There are people that are more qualified than me’, or ‘It will be too much hassle to rearrange everything that’s already working so well’.
Other behaviours include people-pleasing, perfectionism, workaholism, lack of/unhealthy boundaries, inability to say ‘no’, over-apologising, over-thinking, over-analysing, lacking confidence in voicing opinions, avoiding conflicts. These result in poor work-life balance, stress, anxiety, depression, overwhelm and burnout. That causes unhappiness, dissatisfaction and resentment. And you might take it out on the people who are close to you and you beat yourself up about it.
It’s vitally important to be aware that what we have been doing and the way we’ve been doing it are governed by the beliefs we adapted from our childhood and how we respond and react are based on our childhood experiences when we needed to respond in such a way that would keep us safe, protected and belonged.
Self-sabotaging behaviours are our defence mechanisms.
A defence mechanism that served us then but it limits us now.
It limits us from seeing possibilities, utilising opportunities and maximising our potential if we continue the cycle and pattern which means we’re not any closer in getting what we really want in life.
If you’ve been engaging in the self-sabotaging cycle, you can break it and change.
And here’s how…
Every change begins with an awareness.
To begin, it might be useful to look an area in your work for example where a situation where you keep saying yes to taking on new tasks or responsibility when you don’t know how you can fit more things in but you’re thinking ‘I can fit it in somewhere’, or ‘I’ll just have to work late one day/one week and take my time back another time’.
Or it might be something that keeps triggering you like you get asked to do certain things that you cannot do but cannot refuse and end up resenting them and beating yourself up.
Or it might be that you want to apply for the job of your dream but keep putting off updating your CV and you do it last minute hoping that it’ll be good enough to get through to the next process, knowing that it would be better if you’d given yourself more time and effort to do it properly.
7 ways to stop self-sabotaging your success:
Get to know yourself better by being more self-aware - pinpoint your habits or spot your pattern that lead to self-sabotaging behaviours.
Recognise, acknowledge and even befriend your inner critic.
Make small changes - one habit or pattern at a time, set a realistic goal with an inspired action plan.
Start being your own best friend - be kind to her, support her, and celebrate her.
Get familiar with your gut instinct and use it to help make a decision. This will help increase your confidence and self-esteem.
Set strong and healthy boundaries.
Prioritise self-care - this is acknowledging your worth and building on self-leadership.
Self-sabotaging behaviours are deep-rooted and will take time and effort to break away from. And it’s worth the time and effort taken to do it.
By doing the work, we can start to learn new ways and create new patterns that are more aligned and supportive with who we really are and what we really want.
If you’re stuck in the cycle of self-sabotaging behaviours and need support, come and have a chat with me. I offer a free coaching session where we can explore where you’re at, what you’re struggling with and where you want to be.
I want you to be the leader that honours and respects your truth, and I know this is what you want for you too.
I’d love to know your experiences, feel free to leave a comment.
Love
Claryn xxx
Ps - if you’d like to stop getting triggered about the same things over and over again, download my free guide here.
