You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting - over and over announcing your place in the family of things.
WILD GEESE - Mary Oliver.
Many of us mums carry guilt. As if the pressure wasn’t enough, let’s add more and we’ll take it.
I’m just like you with the guilt.
Last week I went on a spa day and didn’t come home until really late that evening. Throughout the day I was worrying that I was going to be late home and hoped the kids were fed and watered! I felt guilty because I wasn’t there when they got back from school (my husband was there, by the way). Spending all day worrying and feeling guilty, fearing of being judged because I was away for the day really did not do anyone any good. The kids did not bat an eyelid. No big deal for them or my husband. Does it resonate with you?
So why do we worry? Is it a sign that we care? Is it a sign that we are a good mother and wife? Is it a sign that we are not selfish? That is another big thing that I hear many times that taking care of ourselves, our needs - yes I agree that a spa day is a luxury (hence the last time I went on one was probably about 12-13 years ago), and I am not just referring to spa day here - that it means we are selfish.
But really it is not selfish. Self-care is not a selfish act.
It dawned on me that a selfish act is when we shout at our kids, argue with our partner, talk down at ourselves, berate ourselves. Why? Because we project our unmet needs on to them. Do you often find that children play up when you are tired and whatever your partner does annoys and irritates the hell out of you? If your cup was full, you would not be short and snappy!
When your cup is full, you feel calmer, more in control, have more patience, kinder toward others, and your self, because you have enough, more than enough to give.
And the guilt, if we can pile guilt on ourselves, we can remove it too, do you agree? What can you do to stop feeling guilty? Because feeling guilty does not serve anybody, most of all you.
So beautiful, thinking about needs, what is it that you need today for you to be OK? What can you let go of? How can you release yourself from this guilt? Let it go.
There is no need for perfection because it does not exist. Just being you is enough. Just being good enough is enough. You are enough.
Tell me, what will you let go off today? Feel free to share with me as I’d love to know what you’re going to do.
Los of love
“Your heart knows the way.
Run in that direction”