selfgrowth

There’s nothing wrong with me or YOU.

But there's something not right about the things that we think we need to do to be accepted, fit in, belong and feel worthy. To conform to the norms that do not serve us. Such as the beliefs that we have to be able to do everything and that we cannot stop or perhaps in many cases we do not allow ourselves to stop and take a break, because hey there's so much to do and not enough time in a day right? One example, who's in this day of age can luxuriate themselves in 30 mins lunch break? We have to sit at our desk to eat our lunch, right? We just work our butts off, including through our lunch, because if we don't and we take a lunch break, oh God forbid what our colleagues or bosses are going to say about us? And of course, we cannot possibly ask for help when we're up to here in the neck with mountains of work to do. I mean that's still not enough because when we get home, there are endless jobs still to do - cooking, cleaning, tidying up and before we know it's time for bloody bed!

There are few things here that I'd like to address. And I'd like to address boundaries; how we treat ourselves is how we show, allow and accept how people treat us. 
You set the tone.

You do not need to be a martyr or superwoman where you say yes to everything and you do not need to do everything yourself. Be realistic about your own expectations. Know what you need - to eat, drink, take a break, walk, sleep, sit and do nothing; these are just some examples of your basic needs. Tend to these basic needs first. Fulfilling these needs isn't a luxury, it's a necessity because without which you're not OK. So you decide what your needs are and then make sure you do them. Say yes to your needs first, then you'll feel more ready to say yes to other things (within reason).

For those who don't know what I did before, I used to work in a multi-role profession, say yes to many things - because it was my job and I wanted to do my job well. I wanted to fit in, be accepted and feel my worth. I was running around like a headless chicken agreeing to do too many things and lost sight of the things that were happening right under my nose. Because this is what happens when you're too busy running around after jobs and people, you lose sight and become disconnected from yourself.

I feel you, your pain, your frustration and I want to help to find ways to come back to you again.

It's OK to say no. It's OK to say you're tired. It's OK to say that you have already got too much on. It's OK to ask for help. It's absolutely bloody OK to say no to others but it NOT OK for you not to be OK.

Fill up your cup first. You’ve got this!

What are you going to say NO to today so that you can have a breather and tend to your needs?

Let me know in the comments below.

Thanks for reading and I hope it resonates with you.

Claryn xx

Investing in yourself

This is the subject that's close to my heart and one that I often battle with myself. But I believe it is a huge part of self worth. How so? Let me explain and then I'd love to know your views.

Whether it is eating well which can cost a lot of money and create confusion of what to buy, cook and eat, cooking which does take a lot of time sometimes, having treatment such as massage and other complementary therapies, taking up short courses to update your skills and knowledge, studying for a career change and working with trainers, mentors and coaches for business, lifestyle or health reasons. They all use money, effort and time. I don't know about you but the general feelings that I get is that often people think twice about this; I certainly used to, all the time, and tried to justify whether it was worth the money and time, what would be the compromise etc etc. Then the guilt and fear set in, what if this and that. The results of the things that we invest in ourselves tend not to be instant or are always directly visible or concrete, right? For example, that your body feels relaxed after a massage, you feel good after a workout that might show as sweat and red face but you can't see the result immediately, and when you've been studying you may not necessarily implement everything at once and you may not be able to see the result immediately either. If you can't yourself, how can you convince people how it's made the difference to you? It's not like having our done and nails done that we can see the result immediately or putting on new clothes or shoes.

Investing time, money and energy into ourselves is a form of self-worth and self-respect. Why would we not deserve to eat well and eat right so that our body can take care of us? Why would we not treat ourselves because our body is crying for it? We would do anything if it was our children, we would make them feel better, why would we often think twice, three times, forever when it came to meeting our needs? Why would we hesitate to invest in ourselves? Our whole-being is on an endless journey, wouldn't we invest in a car for it work effectively and efficiently to take us on to our travels? Why would we not do it to our body, our precious self? Surely we're worth millions over the cars?

I was toying on the idea this morning whether to book myself in for a massage this morning for my neck and shoulders which have been painful for a couple of weeks now (practising yoga does help eases them) and my left arm which I injured a month ago and doesn't seem to resolve despite stretching and moving it. I was toying because I felt guilty spending yet more ££ on me but I needed it, because I need not to feel pain or numbness that I can't lift heavy stuff and every time I move in certain ways it hurts. It's annoying and frustrating. So anyway I decided, I've tried everything and I now need help. It's absolutely OK to surrender and ask for help. We all need others to help us. It's more than OK to invest in our lives, health and well-being. In fact it's more than OK, it's a necessity. If you don't invest in yourself, who will?

It's the feeling that I get when I make an investment in myself; the feeling that I'm worth my own energy, money and time. I'm worth of my love, care, compassion and affection. It makes me feel whole, that I matter and I deserve to feel good and happy about myself so that I can be of service to many and make a difference. And I do keep saying this, when I, you, us feel good and happy when can so show our best, do our best for the best people in our lives. By investing in ourselves we also and support ourselves and others who help and support us achieve our goals in life and health every single day, so that they can invest in themselves and support more people. Together we can do so much good in this life and planet.

Over to you now, I'd love you to share your views on this. Feel free to comment, DM or email me and let me know if how I can be helpful to you. And if you'd like to know more how health coaching can work for you, do not hesitate to drop me a line claryn@clarynnicholas.com.

Thank you for your time reading this. It means so much to me and please share it to anyone who might need to read this too.

Love and light 

Claryn xx

If it's still in your mind, it's worth taking a risk

If it’s still in your mind, it’s worth taking a risk
— Paulo Coelho

A month ago I took the plunge and resigned from my job as a health visitor to concentrate fully on my coaching business. It had been in my mind for a while and finally I had the go ahead from the heart to go and do it. If not now, when? It was not a decision I took upon lightly, it was very much considered and to be honest with you, trying to run a business properly and working full time, as well as being a mum and running a household isn't an easy task, so something had to give. When I set my heart on something, I have to give it wholeheartedly with everything that I have. So here I am; whilst still working my notice in, I can't help but feeling light, excited, joyful and happy having finally made this huge step with a tiny bit feeling of "OMG what have I done?". I know I will be just fine. Everything will be fine. I have belief in me, it's a risk bloody worth taking. I'm worth taking a risk for.

I have always been a bit of a rebel, especially as a child. The rebellious streak has always been there deeply rooted and now and again it will resurface but it's never left me. The rebel in me wanted to come out having had enough of being told what to do, how to do and to justify what I'm doing. It's not wrong but I simply don't want to conform anymore. On a more serious note though, I'm grateful for the experiences and opportunities as without those I wouldn't be here. Nevertheless when what you do no longer aligns with your heart and soul, for me, it doesn't feel right anymore to continue. Work is a huge part of life. It is life. I believe in doing something that I have passions and desire for that gives me that joy, satisfaction and fulfilment and serves my life's purpose.

My purpose makes my heart happy. You can be courageous or comfortable. But you can’t be both
— Unknown

Making one of the biggest and perhaps the scariest decisions of my life felt like homecoming. I am coming home to me. I feel now I can make my life's purpose live. I am free to choose what I want to do, to be creative and create, to channel my energy more positively, to take inspired action and inspire others, to share my passion and to express myself more authentically, freely and confidently. And more excitingly I'm co-creating something magical with the Universe. 

I can't see the whole stair cases but I've just taken the first step. Life is short and yet it's a long time. One must do what feels right and go where the heart leads. I have a lot to learn and everyday is a school day! It's exciting and scary at the same time but that's where growth happens and magic awaits. It's never too late to try new things. Everyday gives a new opportunity so use it or lose it. It's your life and only you can make things happen for you. I'm so grateful beyond words that I have this opportunity to start again and create a life I have always dreamed about. 

Love and light

Claryn xxx